The World's Best Break-Up Songs, pt 1.

As two of the most cynical people to ever survive southeastern Minnesota/theater camp/driver’s training class, we have long been compiling playlist after playlist of songs about failed relationships. (Fact: Caitlyn’s personal motto is “Every single relationship ends. Ever. So whatever you do, it doesn’t matter. You were doomed from the start.” Paula, on the other hand, simply doesn’t believe the male genders exists and are actually a myth, much like unicorns and El Chupacabra. Therefore, it’s impossible to ever get hurt, because one can’t be broken-hearted by a figment of rumors and urban legends.) So it’s only logical that we spend our spare time compiling the best break-up songs ever. Over the next week or so, we’ll be posting our list up here on Paula’s blog. (And we’re going to attempt, someday, to actually put MP3’s of the songs up with them. Yessss.)

So go dig out your pint of Ben and Jerry’s, crawl under the covers, and blast these songs from your itunes. You’ll feel better after, we swear.

1) I Can’t Make You Love Me (Cover)—Denison Witmer
C-It’s the epitome of pain, because when you break up, you just want to sit in a dark room and listen to painnn. It’s so excessive—so overdone, so tortured, so depressing, and so perfect. It reminds me of this afternoon 2 weeks after a break-up when I had taken a nap because I was so depressed and I woke up and could just feeeeeeel the dispair in the room. It’s right in that point when you’re clinging to depression, because that’s all you have left of a relationship. At this point, you SHOULD be getting over him, but you can’t because you’re too focused on how sad you feel. THAT is what this song is.

P—YES. This song is so emo, it hurts. Also, Caitlyn, that leads to an interesting question. Do we listen to break-up songs to help us get over the jerk, or do we listen to them to cling to the pain? Hmmm…

2) Dog Problems—The Format
P—Best break-up line ever—“B is for believing you’d always be here for me/E is for everything, even when we’d see it though/C, C is for seeing through you, you are a fake which brings me to A, because, because you always run awayyyyy”. It really helps if you yell that as loudly and angsty as possible. Plus, Nate Ruess wrote the entire album of “Dog Problems” to get over his girlfriend. So there is literally not a better soundtrack to your own personal break-up. Ever. \

C—Plus, who doesn’t want a break-up song that has a full brass band behind it?

3) That’s It, I Quit, I’m Moving On—Adele
C—It’s so easy. And vindicating. It’s exactly what you want the guy to see in you, whether or not it’s true. Even if you’re spending your days in your room crying on the floor, all you want him to feel emanating from you is “That’s it. I quit. I’m moving on.” So you wear your best clothes, do your hair perfectly, and hit on all his friends. =)

P—Exactly. I think this song is for the moment when you realize the guy you’re with actually really, really sucks. And you have no choice but to break it off, regret that you wasted three months of your life on him, and delete the number from your phone.

4) Testament to Youth In Verse—New Pornographers
P—For some reason, this was THE SONG of my last break-up, even though it has more to do with the radio than with relationships. Maybe it was the kick-arse drums, the “No, No, No, No, No” chorus, or the brilliant line “When You Play like a fool/then like a fool you get played with” (which, I’ll admit, was my Facebook status for an embarrassingly long time.) Seriously. Turn on this song, walk to the place that you KNOW you will see him at, and I promise that you will feel like a vindictive character from a lame romantic comedy.

C—“Testament”, I feel, is kind of like your sassy best friend who just won't take your moping anymore. Its like "Seriously? This guy was a douche and you fell for it. So feel like a fool, accept it, and get over it."

(The World's Best Break-Up Songs will continue to be posted sporadically throughout the next week)

By the flagpole. 3 o'clock. Be there.

Why yes, I just fought a man in an effort to defend my Anderson Cooper. That actually happened. With fists.

Happy Sunday, kids!

To Squiggles Bennet

Dear Squggles Bennet,

We're leaving school. Both of us. We're dropping out, moving to the Pacific Northwest, and buying a small-time newspaper. And we'll spend all of our days selling ads and creating layouts and reporting on insignificant events like school board meetings and quilt shows (I've worked from tiny newspapers. Those are basically the only stories you get.) Then we'll walk around town and make fun of the other dogs/the people who aren't us, and we'll tweet about their awfulness. And we'll live in a tiny house on the beach--just me and you and Ernie. And we'll turn most of the rooms into guest rooms so Free Spirits (real and honorary) can drop by and visit for however they'd like. Our refrigerator will be stocked with Voss and Polaroid film (because it needs to be refrigerated) and Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream.

And we will no longer have to deal with shoddy college journalism, stupid dormitory rumors, dropped cell phone calls nightly, or awful long distance friendships. It will be epic. And amazing.

I love you!
Paula

"WHAT THE HILL?!?!?!?!"

The Playlist from the April 3, 2009 episode of "What the Hill?"
*Special thanks to Katie and Chris for their contributions to this week's show!

This is the show that made history, ladies and gents. Gus and I broke the universal record for "number of times inncorectly saying the word 'galaptosaurus' in one minute". It's legitimate, and we're famous now. We'd like to thank the little people.

1) What I Want is a Proper Cup of Coffee--Trout Fishing in America
2) Bohemian Rhapsody--Queen
3) Nothing to Worry About--Peter Bjorn and John
4) Zero--Yeah Yeah Yeahs
5) Little Pieces--Gomez
6) Violet Hill--Coldplay
7) Say--John Mayer
8) Make it Rain--Fat Joe featuring Lil' Wayne
9) Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat)--Digable Planets
10) Billy Brown--MIKA
11) Good Day--Jukebox the Ghost
12) Closing Time (Dedicated to Katie Lannan)--Semisonic
13) Furr--Blitzen Trapper

Note: You can listen to "What the Hill? With Gus, Dave, and Paula" every Friday at 5 pm (CT) at www.stolaf.edu/orgs/ksto .WTH? brings you a weekly infusion indie/alt/classical/showtunes/a capella/Neil Diamond/folk/comedy/Indian instrumentals/goth punk-rock/coffee related ditties/singalongs/terrible hip-hop/Disney pop hits/all-around awesomeness

Free Spirits to the Rescue??

Dear Free Spirits, oh loves of my life, 

Next Tuesday, I have an interview at the Rochester Post-Bulletin for an internship this summer. (ack!) I recently received an email warning me to prepare for a "short reporter's test". However--despite my best efforts on google--I have no idea what this is. So, if you have ANY idea, please, please, please give me a jingle/comment/email/text/WHATEVER!

I have, however, been heavily preparing for the normal interview part of the process. Not only do I know that the Rochester Post and the Rochester Bulletin combined to (cleverly) form the "Rochester Post Bulletin" in 1925, but I am practicing VERY hard to not call Adrianna Huffington the b-word at any time during the process. (No promises though. Seriously, who completely blows off an interview with a COLLEGE student?!)

<3 from the land of way too many freaking lakes,

ps

48 Minutes and Counting

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."--Douglas Adams. 

Article on the campus restaurant extending it's hours due in 48 minutes. 

Word count needed: 750 

Word count accomplished thus far:  112 

It's times like these that I fail to remember why I'm dedicating my life to this industry...

Facebook, Pizza, and Cocaine

For some reason, on Facebook's addictive (and freakishly unaccurate) "Compare People" application, I have received a record 0 votes on the "Who Would Make a Better Mother" category. This shocked and appalled me. I mean, I work in a daycare (occasionally). I know I'm immature and forgetful sometimes (okay, a lot), but if BRITNEY SPEARS has 2 kids, there's no way in heck I deserved that title. 

But then I remembered my blog. My poor little neglected blog. And suddenly...I agreed with my ranking. So, to all of you out in blog-o-land, I sincerely apologize for my irresponsible and inattentive ways. I promise I'll do better next time. (Although, for the record, I'm also 148th in the "Who Smells Nicer" category sooo...)

In other news...I got in the most ridiculous political argument of my ENTIRE life the other day. And I've been in some ridiculous political arguments. (I'm a polysci major. It's part of the job description.) To really get the full craziness of the situation, close your eyes for a second, and imagine you're me. It's 2:30 the morning of the day before interim finals. You're so tired that you're borderline delirious, you're covered in lint from your Red Sox blanket and mango frutista spillage, and you can't shake the lingering scent of stale pizza and cheap alcohol that comes with living in Hoyme. As you shut down your shiny new MacBook Pro and prepare to finally stumble back from the dorm lounge to your room, the biggest ladies-man in the building/campus sidles up beside you and starts rambling on and on about his many drunken (and mostly illegal) antics. Just as you begin walking away from the guy, he spits out this doozy of a political theory: 

"I think the government should legalize cocaine"

And with that, he tottered away, off to share his bold (read: batcrap crazy) ideas for governmental policies with someone else--and left me, standing alone in the dorm lobby, puzzled, flabbergasted, shocked, and definitely no longer thinking of sleep.